This week I have been reflecting on my hair & my boundaries journeys!
I have had a fair few hairstyles in my time (some are sampled below!)
I have also had a journey to get here where I am comfortable in expressing my boundaries (which I think are really my values) & knowing when I am in survival mode (instead of thriving as a goddxx!)
I first started experimenting with my hair aged 16, when I chopped it all off inspired by my hero, Halle Berry.
When I decided to grow it back, braiding my hair, (as I had been doing since I was a child) was a great way to get through that mid growth moment & still look good (which was important aged17!)
When it was time to take them out, I would often do it over two days, unbraiding the top half one evening, wearing a hat in school the next day before I removed the bottom layers.
Can you imagine the shame that imprinted when my boyfriend, aged 17, ripped off my hat in the school playground for everyone to see? It was like one of those nightmares where you are naked as he pranced around trying to get everyone to notice how ridiculous my hair looked under my hat. I probably experienced anger, embarrassment…
But back then, my stress reaction was freeze.
So did I tell him what I felt? Did I shout & scream at him? Did I take a moment to feel what I was feeling?
But No! (Oh My Goddxx!) 🙈
Now, I can’t believe I didn’t dump him there & then!
Instead I buried the memory (along with many more moments when I was disempowered) & didn’t even speak to him about it!
I didn’t have the tools to process anger or shame or to express my feelings: so I just didn’t feel. I didn’t honour my beautiful self, or that someone who could do that was not someone who loved or cared for me.
I know how to bring myself back online when I am in stress
I love me & know my value & boundaries
Do you know yours?
On the Goddxss Path, we work on our toolbox.
We work through shame, anger. We work on getting out of stress & into empowered. We work on self love so our cup is full up.