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Breaking was in the Olympics for the first time and I was there!
It was beautiful (and epic!) to witness and show support for breakers (Breakdancers) worldwide who had qualified to battle…
I shed a few tears: first at Bgirl Talash using the platform to protest as a refugee who has left Afghanistan, then watching three amazing b-girls (Ami, Nicka, 671) take Gold, Silver and Bronze medals at the Olympics.
The bgirls were (mostly) amazing and made me so inspired (after years of hearing comments about breakers who are assigned female not being good enough) and proud to (have been) a bgirl…
It felt healing watching them collect their medals for all those times on the breaking scene I was told to ‘stop dancing like a girl’, for all the general misogyny present on the scene, and reflecting on one person once saying that, ‘only losers break(dance)’… because look at them now!!! 🙂
Whilst I watched them receive their medals, I realised that this trip was also my closing ceremony: to love and reminisce the scene, the dance, my friends and mentors… and to retire as a breaker…
I was there with Shortbread, whom I have known since early on in my breaking journey (which began with my training with bgirl SunSun in London when I moved there to study dance), then in 2009 I had the privilege of spending a summer in NYC training with bgirl Rokafella, before I was invited to train with Renegade’s bgirls, which is where I met Shortbread…
In 2012, I had the pleasure to dance for bgirl SunSun as a Dalmatian in the breaking-inspired section of the Olympics opening ceremony in London. It felt synchronous to be in Paris when breaking was officially recognised as an Olympic ‘sport’ (That’s another story/debate which I won’t get into today).
The initial reason I ended up being in Paris, is that Shortbread was on the Olympic lineup, and I wanted to be there to support them at this historic event. In the end, with the way the system works (with qualifiers based on points per continent), they didn’t make the final 16, but… they are an amazing breaker (Gold medal levels I say: they are a Goddxx after all!), and if it is true for them to compete one day… they have my full support, and knowing their alchemical potential… I believe in them and will follow them there to watch them win!!!
I did see Raygun (a breaker from Australia, who, for those who may have missed it, lost every battle and became a media sensation the very same day with memes about her breaking) of course, and she really isn’t the main focus of this article (though it does feel connected)… so I have tried to keep my Raygun thoughts as succinct as possible (for a Rainbow Butterfly)… and also because all this is just my opinion… (and, as my teacher says… opinions are the lowest form of advice)…
From her first battle, knowing the level of many bgirls who would have loved to be on the Olympic stage, I was disappointed and surprised at her moves: in fact, I thought I could have done better (and I haven’t been on the scene or training since 2017 and suffer from a massive not good enough belief!)
It was frustrating seeing some of her burns (insults to try to put her opponents off: such as yawning), when her level was not comparable (this is a part of the culture, but I feel there was something about respecting those who are doing things you cannot… especially as they seemed to be being very respectful to her and didn’t make fun of her or laugh at her but showed her love and respect for her being there)…
There was deep-rooted discomfort at watching a white woman from Australia dancing in a way that felt like she might be fun of a Black cultural art form which has historically been about overcoming oppression and barriers (that made me feel angry and wonder whether she was lacking integrity and perhaps even living in complete illusion?)… especially with speculation that a group of underprivileged youth from the Northern Territory of Australia were denied funding to attend the qualifiers.
It was interesting to hear that she didn’t have a coach in the same way that countries who won did (such as China for example), and I reflected on how important I believe having a coach if we really want to thrive in anything…
The day after the battle, I found myself scrolling with disturbing fascination as the numbers and comments continued to go up and up… It was hard to discern what was fact and what was rumour…
And I also felt sorry for her, and worried about how she might respond to so much online attention… especially seeing some of the very negative comments…
And then I realised that this was all just a major distraction…
That the beauty of my decision to quit was being overshadowed by this story and the excitement of what I know I want to create next (having done a Completion: a process I teach on The Goddxx Path, in a park in Paris whilst eating pasthèque) 🍉
And from the alchemy of witnessing bgirls being recognised as athletes (athletes of the gods in my humble opinion), at this historic event.
And from more important things happening in the olympics (like Ami winning the gold medal), and in the world (like the far right violence in the UK, and still more genocide in Palestine) 😔
And so I refocused to the learning I uncovered during my completion process;
One thing that inspired me about Raygun is that she went out there and did it… and hopefully, she did her best… that perhaps is a miracle when faced with the adversity of our own inner critics and beliefs?
Because I held myself back a lot in my training as a breaker due to I feeling I was not good enough…
Previously to retiring (and alchemy of course), I felt the pain of having never reached the levels I would truly have loved to as a breaker.
Before alchemy, whilst I was training as a breaker, sometimes even thinking about breaking was painful, let alone watching it, because I was confronted with my belief that I wasn’t good enough…
I realised as I ‘retired’, I let go of identifying with being good or bad… I was no longer comparing every breaker with my inner scale of my own goodness or badness…
And by letting go of centring myself (and my belief) in the story (making it about me), I could finally watch breaking and appreciate it without attachment and with love and appreciation for humans doing goddxx-like things…
I realised that previously, I loved breaking too hard and from the stance of victim… I wanted it so much that I squeezed it too tightly… And conditionally… There was a way it needed to be… and I needed to be… And I was wounded (with some valid reasons) by the scene…
BUT
When I let go of definitions… I could just love it… and do ME (which right now is taking me on a new and exciting path… one that is MY truth) 😜
Having let go, I have realised I am still very loved up with breaking (and my husband too in case you were wondering!)… maybe more than ever! So much so that, maybe I probably would still throw down (breakdance) in circles at weddings (my own even?)/parties/ceremonies (but definitely not the olympics!) 😝
But mostly, having let go, I LOVE that I can TRULY appreciate the incredible artistry of others in the scene and just send them love!
…I probably will still throwdown when the music inspires me, and because it forms a part of me whenever I freestyle… but I am going to stop judging myself because I accept that it is part of my story, but not something I am attaching my merit to…
…and of course, the breaking will most definitely come out when I am playing Maja in The Rainbow Butterfly (the show happening again this month see the flyer above)…
So here is my list of 10 for ways to truly love something without squeezing it!
And so maybe breaking and I part ways…or maybe I just stop identifying myself with any conditions!!!
I want to say a massive thanks and respect to all the Pioneers & creators of Breaking, and give my massive appreciation to all the breakers who competed in the Olyjmpics (Raygun included) and I am so excited to see what this next generation of breakers bring next! 👑👑👑 Below (and above) are some ways to connect with me both at Maya Gandaia and Ella Mesma Company in the next few months. |
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