Today, I want to share something deeply personal with you: about one of the biggest pendulum swings I have had since 2017! And how I am finding my way back…
Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself in this story, or find a light to guide you when your own path seems wobbly…
When the Heart Goes Missing:
Recently, I experienced what I can only describe as one of my most massive pendulum swings in about 9 years. Do you know these moments when you suddenly find yourself completely disconnected from your heart, your joy, your centre? When all your tools and techniques seem just out of reach?
That is where I was — stressed, disconnected, and struggling to find my way back to myself.
As a 4 on the Enneagram (the Artist), my stress response sends me into 2 (the Helper) mode, and on this particular project, as things felt like they were falling apart, I began people-pleasing frantically, attending to everyone else’s needs while completely forgetting my own. Sound familiar?
It’s fascinating how predictable these patterns can be when we are under pressure.
The more stressed I became, the more I abandoned myself in service to others.
And the further I strayed from my heart, the harder it became to find my way back HOME.
The False Bridge
In these difficult moments, we often think the way forward is through managing the external chaos — solving other people’s problems, meeting their needs, navigating the drama unfolding around us. We might believe that if we can just make everything out there okay, we will eventually find our way back HOME to ourselves…
But this is the grand maya (the grand illusion!)…
As Audre Lorde wisely said, “You can’t use someone else’s fire; you can only use your own. And in order to do that, you must first be willing to believe you have it.”
In this experience, I now realise that I was searching for my fire in other people’s approval and satisfaction with my efforts to please…
But my own inner fire was sparkling less and less with each attempt.
What I Learnt (Again!)
The real path back HOME to ourselves isn’t through others at all: The bridge isn’t made of people-pleasing or problem-solving… The bridge is love!
Here’s what I rediscovered (remembered): The best way out of difficult times is to reconnect with what WE would love.
Not what others expect of you.
Not what circumstances seem to demand. Not what your stress response habitually reaches for.
But what your heart, in its deepest wisdom, would truly love.
A Simple But Profound Practice
In a recent podcast interview, I shared an exercise that illustrates this principle beautifully.
When faced with challenging circumstances — whether a health diagnosis, relationship difficulty, or professional setback — we often believe those circumstances dictate our outcomes.
But what if we asked ourselves three simple questions:
- Do I acknowledge I am creating this experience?
- What is the payoff I am getting from this situation?
- What would I truly love instead?
These 3 questions shift us from being victims of circumstances to creators of our experience…
They invite us to step back into our hearts and reclaim our power.
The Truth About Circumstances
The truth is, the circumstances do not dictate the outcome — WE do!
When I finally paused the people-pleasing and turned inward, I asked myself, “Maya, what would YOU love in this moment?” The answer came with surprising obviousness.
I would love rest.
I would love space.
I would love to SING
I would love to honour my own rhythms before attempting to meet anyone else’s needs.
And here’s the magic: When I honoured what I would love, everything in my inner world shifted.
The external situation didn’t necessarily change immediately, but my relationship to it transformed completely.
From that heart-centered place, I could show up differently — not from depletion but from fullness!
As I shared in the podcast, sometimes we aren’t with people in their hearts… but we can still always choose what we would love. That choice becomes our guiding star, our way back HOME.
An Invitation
So the next time you find yourself in a pendulum swing (for example caught in stress patterns that disconnect you from your heart), I invite you to try this:
Take a breath. Place your hand on your heart. And ask: “What would I love right now?”
And let the obvious answer emerge without judgment. It may be small (“I would love five minutes of quiet”) or profound (“I would love to speak my truth”)… but whatever it is, I invite you to honour it as a SACRED step towards coming back HOME to yourself.
And here is your reminder beautiful heart, that the circumstances — no matter how challenging — do not dictate the outcome. Your heart does. And it’s always waiting to welcome you back home.